I’ve lived near Bristol’s Harbourside for years, but never yet tried the late night food stalls. Whenever I needed a quick greasy fix at 2am, BC Diner’s fried chicken was always there – more often than not, I was probably the only sober person on the customer side of the counter.

Tonight, however, was special. A couple of friends had come all the way from California, and after an evening drinking at the Old Duke it was clear we all needed a proper meal before the long walk home. Walking up to the fountains, CCFC’s eye-catchingly blue box called to us, and a quick glance at their ‘Vegetarians’ menu instantly revealed cheesy chips for the princely sum of £2.80. Jackpot.

LET’S GET DOWN TO CHEESINESS

I’m handed a deep mountain of chips in a polystyrene box, with a dollop of gravy on the side (the guy behind the counter offered it to me since they’d had a mixup, and I couldn’t bring myself to turn it down for a purer, cheesier experience). This makeshift poutine surprisingly turns out a hell of a lot better than I expect – the gravy accentuates the saltiness that should be part of any good cheesy chips portion, but never gets in the rest of the food’s way.

The chips are a bit small and thin, but perfectly tasty (at least, that’s what my notes from the evening claim). The perfect kind of dish to have by itself, assuming you’ve barely managed to stagger out of Park Street’s nightclubs and don’t care if it’ll leave your stomach in an hour or so.

The cheese, on the other hand, is a mysterious beast altogether. The strands refuse to melt, only soften slightly, and are probably the most elastic thing I’ve ever eaten. That’s not to say it was bad (and hell, there was plenty of it), but the gravy probably ended up saving this meal from becoming an abomination against dairy (well, I assume it was dairy…). I need to find a polite way to ask people how they prepare the cheese.

One brilliant takeaway from City Cafe – they keep their vinegar in a spray bottle. This is what innovation in the services sector looks like, and I’ve started scouring the supermarkets for a bottle I can empty out and safely use instead of a dribbly bottle.

ROUNDUP

PRICE: £2.20 + 60p
CHIPS: Thin, soft, clearly not designed for the cheese
CHEESE: What even was this?
INNOVATION: Even assuming they used actual cheese, the spray bottle vinegar is a stroke of genius
PRETENTIOUSNESS: What do you even expect at 2am?
OVERALL: Y’know what, this was just what we needed with no pretence otherwise. Full marks